where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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