CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
