i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
