get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
