its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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