I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
