ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Your cock deserves a montage
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
