Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
