that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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