yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
