The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
