You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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