try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
