Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
