The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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