I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
