I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
