Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
