May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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