We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
