there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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