she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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