Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
