so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
