i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
