I need to stop coming to work sober
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
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