i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
the day after is always just damage control
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
