My underwear smells like fireworks.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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