Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
