When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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