i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
