Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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