i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
