Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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