but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just threw up on my dentist
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
