she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
