so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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