Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
