I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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