pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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