He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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