Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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