Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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