The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
