Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
