What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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