dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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