they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
