I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
