just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
