Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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