I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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