When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
All the doctor said was why
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
