I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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