All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
