i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
