12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
