she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
