I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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