You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
