another moral hangover. fuck.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
